I moved to San Francisco the weekend of Fourth of July, just missing Bay to Breakers 2009. This was also the time that hangovers and bad memories were forgotten, so all I heard was good things and how I missed the best party in San Francisco by just over a month. So, this year I was pumped!!! I looked at pictures and videos from previous years B2B, heard fun stories from friends and co-workers, and caught up on some B2B etiquette (DON’T MESS WITH THE SALMON!!) Along with a group of other noobies, we armed ourselves with a backpack full of beer and started our journey. As you can see from the pictures, we had an amazingly fun time, but we did learn a few things that will help us for next year:
1. Be Prepared – Bay to Breakers kind of snuck up on me. I knew it was coming but I didn’t realize that if I wanted to come up with a genius costume, I was going to need more than 2 days of strategizing. I think the 80’s ski/jazzersize theme Lauren and I had going on was good enough, but we definitely could have done better. Although, everyone was liking my crimped hair!
2. Wear butt pads – I learned this after getting whacked on the ass by a drunk girl and her trusty ping pong paddle within 5 minutes of joining the party. We steered clear of that psycho beater for the rest of the day!
3. Spread the beer around – After partying all the way up Hayes Hill, we approached the Panhandle a.k.a. the porta-potties! This is where we lost our designated beer holder. No beer for 2 hours of B2B = FAIL
4. Leave EVERYTHING at home – If you don’t need it….DON’T BRING IT!!!! I luckily didn’t lose anything (besides our designated beer holder), but I heard several stories of lost cell phones, wallets, and house keys. I’m not a fan of sleeping at bus stops, so I would have to say that this is one of the most important rules of the day!
5. Walkie Talkies – Cell phone service is pretty much non-existant (hence the lost designated beer holder for 2 hours), so I’m thinking walkie talkies might be a good investment. Or, you know those child leashes????
6. Toilet Paper – No explanation needed for this one other than: I’ve never wished I was a man more in my entire life!!!!
7. Eat more than a pussy bagel - Lauren, I thank you for providing the nourishment we needed to survive this 7+ mile beer infested walk, but pussy bagels are just NOT going to cut it!!! I’m glad I wasn’t the barfing girl on the side of the street at 9a.m. (thanks to the wondering designated beer holder) (who got lost with all our beer!!!) (did I mention that already?), but if I was really partying like everyone else it definitely could have been my reality! Two words for next year’s pre-breakfast strategy: Breakfast Burrito.
I’m seriously counting down the days until the 100th Annual Bay to Breakers 2011. It will be epic! And I will have a better strategy for enjoying this holy of all days!
Oh wait!!!!! One more thing I learned:
8. No Booty Shorts if my ass looks anything like THIS!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH! Flash Back!!!! One more rule:
9. Don’t pretend to pinch THIS guys butt – I’m still sanitizing, and possibly thinking about chopping my left hand off!!
I don’t want to talk about it!
If you enjoy NSFW pictures, please take a look at all the awesomeness that occurred:
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